Kindness is a fundamental quality that maintains the balance in the world and makes it a beautiful place to live in. But in today’s times, there is perceived decline in empathy, compassion and ethical behaviour. As a society, we are failing to adhere to the fundamental moral principles, leading to a diminished ability to distinguish between right and wrong and a reduced inclination to act uprightly. There is a sense that society is becoming increasingly self-centred, with individuals prioritizing their own needs and desires over the needs of others. Social bonds are weakening and people are becoming more disconnected from one another. There is an attitude in humans to dodge whatever doesn’t concern them. This is dragging us to the darker versions of ourselves, wherein hatred wins. We have developed that “to hell-with-it” or “me-I-myself” or “me-first” attitude. Nothing matters now – we have become sick in every possible sense.
One has started suffering from the lack of ears that could heal one’s plight, a mouth that could console one’s pain, a sympathetic spirit that could resolve one’s miseries. Even now, someone may be dying – out of lack of people to talk to, to get help from and to live with. Earlier one used to care to listen to people, provide them with what they needed, but now we are on the verge of acquiring and accumulating wealth, status and power. People find happiness not in helping others but grabbing comforts for themselves. We are humans, but our humanity has disappeared. It seems that society as a whole has become more distant. People do not mingle like they used to or even acknowledge each other when passing by. Life has taken us to a place where we no longer value kindness as a trait. We stand around, take selfies and ignore people dying around us – on platforms, on highways… We may be running short of time, but we have all the time to capture videos/photos of tragedies and post them on social media, including Facebook and WhatsApp and count the ‘likes’ they get.
I do agree there are number of disadvantages of being too kind. In today’s times, the world tends to abuse, screw and hurt kind people. We have reached that phase in this world, wherein a kind gesture, a kind word, a helpful hand or a compliment can be taken in the wrong way. Nowadays, it seems like one cannot be kind without someone thinking something more out of it! Some people genuinely want to help and share their honest feelings, but sometimes others take that as a sign of making advances, as if one is coming onto the other.
Further, technology has taken place of the human face-to-face and voice-to-voice interactions. No longer do we pick up the phone or meet face-to-face to talk to others. Now we spend most of our time texting, posting, getting involved in others drama or simply playing mindless games on our cell phones, tablets and computers. All we do is place an emoji on our social media post or in a text and call it done. There’s an app for everything. Want to have a relationship? Use this app. Want to order your dinner? Use this app. Want to get married? Use this app. These apps are taking away the connectedness we once had that created kindness.
In this day and age where any idea can run rampant through the internet and influence thousands of minds with a simple touch, you will find negative content reigns over positive content. Excess exposure to the internet can be treated as something that is the main cause of making humans especially the younger generation heartless and emotionless. Indeed, fear is also the main factor in such situations. The police and court formalities are so long-winding that the common man can’t withstand them.
With crime, kidnappings, murders and other fears running wild in many cities, people have found it safer to keep to themselves and thus hide their natural tendency to be generous and kind to others. There is a fear that we will be attacked for what we say or do. Kindness is becoming less because the greedy can’t sell it and make a profit from it and the good are sick of being called liars or having their honour questioned for doing so or they are shamed for being kind.
It is true that there are lot of darkness and cruelty in the world right now. Near and far from home, there are terrible things happening and people are treating each other appallingly. The world certainly needs less unkindness as it has become so chaotic and overwhelming that it has left many struggling both mentally and physically. Everyone you meet is either suffocated with something or seeking a better life. Choose to make life easier for them by spreading a cheer wherever you go. Help other people. Talk nicely. Be honest. Say you are sorry wherever required. Make time to call or text a friend that you haven’t spoken to for a while, or check in on someone you know who’s going through a tough time. It’s letting people know that they are noticed, valued, and important. Smile.
It might seem silly but don’t underestimate the power of a smile. These may sound like small, simple acts, but this is exactly how change happens. It costs little or nothing to be kind. It’s the little things we do for others that leave imprints in their hearts. When you treat people this way, it will have a positive ripple effect. Hopefully, they too will decide to act this way when they interact with another person. One positive interaction can lead to another and so on. Every act of kindness comes back. Maybe not in the way we imagined, but it always returns to the giver.
When we talk about being kind and doing acts of kindness, it’s often in the context of reaching out to strangers. But what about those with whom we are closest? While we are looking at what we can do for strangers and others we don’t know well, we should not lose sight of those who are near us.
Have you ever had that experience of snapping your dear ones and then turning around and talking sweetly to a stranger? Or how about saying thank you to the waiter who served you food at a restaurant, but not your Amma who slogs day and night in the kitchen for you? Or being upset that no one has done the dirty dishes because everyone is busy. We feel more comfortable being ourselves with the people we love and trust—and being ourselves means showing all sides, which includes the ugly. When it comes to our loved ones, our empathy reserves are often lacking because we feel safe and believe the relationship is strong enough to endure it. Let’s face it. Sometimes it’s easier to be kind to strangers than to those we love the most and sometimes, we take our frustrations out on those closest to us. Perhaps it’s because we take our loved ones for granted. Maybe we know we can get angry with those close to us and they will stand by us. So, we may not be as careful in how we treat them as we should be.
It is not that we do not care about each other, but we don’t take time to show it. And as the years go by, kind gestures may slowly fade away. So, while we are extending kindness and trying to be more mindful of our interactions, how about including kindness for our dear ones in our own homes? Show your appreciation for all he or she does and is. Sure, you may assume they already know how grateful you are. But almost all people want and need to hear just how important and valued they are.
So, take a little time to be kind. One should find time to talk and listen to our dear ones. Of course, we may be talking, but how much of that is “at” each other rather than “with” each other. Appreciate those around you and let them know that you notice and value them. Even if they know you love them, it’s important that they hear the words. It reinforces the emotions and reassures them of your feelings. Of course, I agree, there are moments in our lives wherein you want to scream. If you express kindness in your relationships, even when expressing your frustrations, you’ve paved the way for those close to you to listen and understand you.
Kindness isn’t always easy. Sometimes it can be messy. Sometimes it can be scary. But it is always the right thing to do. But while being kind has many benefits, it’s important to set boundaries and be authentic to avoid the pitfalls that can come with being “too kind.” You are always the first one to be approached. People just “expect” you to be there, no matter what your commitments or plans are. You are expected to act in a certain kind of way. And the worst thing is no matter how stupid your own life might be going, you are expected to have that sunshine smile on your face, because that’s how you are. You are looked as someone who is content with his life’s journey but the reality is YOU ARE NOT…
People start treating you like a DOORMAT. That is, you will be taken for granted. You won’t probably get the respect you deserve- Who would respect you when you are too nice and always available to help? Your dictionary does not contain the word ‘No’. You are the one who end up doing everybody else’s work and do not even try to complain and if by chance you do say no, you will spend sleepless nights thinking if you are into someone’s bad books.
But the fault is not only of the other people but you, yourself who doesn’t know how and where and when to say ‘NO’. “Expecting the world to be fair with you because you are fair is like expecting the lion not to eat you because you didn’t eat him. One has to learn to say ‘No’ to that soul sucking relationship, to that pretend-friend, to the wrong job, to the wrong people around. It sure is uncomfortable and uneasy, but the truth has always been that at the end of the day, you know you’ve done the right thing and that it’s worth it. Because YOU chose to be kind to yourself and stood up for what you believed in. Help the needy, not the lazy. The people in need deserve and will appreciate your help. The lazy ones are just looking for ways to make their life easier without working. Don’t pity them.
The point of strength and influence is to extend one’s power to be kind for the benefit of others as well as ourselves. One’s goal should be to use one’s power to help others and lift them up, to give them reason for hope, to help them see that they and their needs are reflected in our eyes. That is what life is all about. The rest is just glitter and dust. Whether it is easy or hard, kindness is something we can and we should do every day. Be Kind, but never let other people control you.
