One must have frequently heard this common saying “MARD KO DARD NAHI HOTA”! (Men feel no pain). It is mostly expected that if you are a man, you need to possess some supreme skills of never experiencing pain. Come any ordeal or any situation, a man is expected not to shed tears and continue with the responsibility well-defined for him in the society and by the society.
A human being cries out of happiness, fear, pain and there is no gender related to it. Crying is a natural and healthy way to express emotions and it’s important for everyone regardless of any gender to feel comfortable expressing themselves. But when we see a male crying, we end up saying “Ladke rote nahi hain” [Boys don’t cry] Or ”Kya ladkiyon ki tarah rota rehta hai” (Why do you keep crying like a girl?) leading us to believe that crying signifies weakness. We don’t spare a second before ridiculing him as ‘womanish’. So, men are conditioned to hiding and suppressing their emotions. Crying in general has always been seen as a form of weakness/vulnerability that men should not exhibit due to them being the stronger sex. Many men are socialised from a young age not to cry unlike women.
Men Cant’ Cry! is a permanent lie told to Men which ends up crippling their ability to handle emotions. Every man has been emotionally quoted these lines which have restrained them to express their emotions many a times in their lives. Men are depicted as strong and powerful within the society we live in. There is no denying that we live in a patriarchal society. Men have the upper hand in almost everything. That being said, in the area of mental health, women are often taken more seriously than men. Men’s mental health is far too often overlooked or ignored. Society has taught us that since men need to protect their families, they need to be strong. Whether it’s being the main breadwinner, supporting the family through a crisis or remaining patient in the face of ongoing challenges, it can be all too easy for people to assume that the ‘strong one – Men’ are doing fine.
This idea, in a subconscious way, if not directly, has taught us that men need to be solid and emotionless. Men at a really young age are taught to suppress their emotions. They are told not to cry because nobody would like to see a man cry. Even today in many cultures, men crying is considered taboo. In fact, society believes that men should not cry. Crying is still compared with masculinity and that’s where men are scared to express themselves openly. Men are taught that crying is a sign of cowardice – as something to be ridiculed and that hiding emotions is a necessary standard to live up to. That is where the problem starts—men growing up learning to internalize and suppress emotions.
Women and men, both, have the identical emotional range. When we proudly say in today’s times, women are equal to men, then why can’t men too cry and express themselves like a woman? The fact that makes the idea differ in both the cases is that women, all the way from their childhood are allowed to express and show their feelings, but men are supposed to be the strong. That is why they are not meant to show their emotions. Men are less likely to admit that they need emotional support. Due to this unspoken rule, lot of men struggle deeply with opening up to anyone, let alone other men. Men fear being judged as weak by other men, unattractive by those they desire and unfit by society and hence unacceptable. Of course, seeking help would expose their inadequacy and lower their status in the society. In general, men find it a lot harder to talk about what’s going on inside them. Crossing that huge social and cultural barrier to open up their feelings can seem immense and may even trigger deep embarrassment or shame.
I have number of male friends who struggle in silence out of fear of disappointing those around them, may be due to the belief that they should be able to handle their problems on their own or maybe they have the fear of being seen themselves as weak. They worry that talking about their emotions will make them seem less manly and not living up to the society standards of what it means to be a man. Of course, at times there are men who are open, upfront and clear about their emotions. But unfortunately, such kind of interactions are too rare!
Do we have to keep reminding people that men too are human? They too have feelings. Allow them to cry if that is how they want to relieve their stress.
It is time to change the masculinity definition. As we say raising a hand does not make a man masculine, similarly crying does not make him less of a Man. Society needs to change the perception and mentality toward men when men want to pour their hearts. When the man of the house sobs, it sends a silent message to the children that sobbing is not a sign of weakness, but rather a form of expression. It teaches men to be sensitive, which will undoubtedly make the world better because we require sensitive men rather than indifferent, cold men.
Several women find men with a softer side attractive. Men typically present a very strong side all of the time to a woman. Thus, seeing men cry can be a welcome change for some women because it shows how important or closely, they feel about a particular situation. We need to acknowledge that men can and should cry, be it your father, spouse, son or say a friend. Bottling up emotions can lead to negative, physical, emotional and social effects. Instead, encouraging men to express their emotions, including crying can lead to healthier relationships and better mental health.
We need to understand that all the tears that flow is not weakness. Crying is a natural part of one’s life. We all have feelings, and sometimes crying is all that we can do. It is a way to express oneself. Somewhere, somehow, society is stealing life from these men. Real men do cry. Real men do feel. Real men talk, grieve and walk with weak hearts instead of compressed-tight hearts. You are not a man if all you ever do is hide behind a hay house of strength.
We can teach our men that it is okay to struggle and it is okay to cry. We can teach them that seeking help is not a sign of weakness, that there is strength to be found in admitting struggle and that they are not alone in their experiences. Let’s pay more attention to the mental health of the men around us because they may be silently struggling without our awareness. By challenging traditional masculinity norms and promoting emotional education and support, society can create an environment where men feel safe to express their emotions without fear of judgment.
Kaun Kehta Hai Ki Mard Ko Dard Nahin Hota? (Who says men don’t feel pain?)
Next time you see a man cry, before you laugh or mock him, REMEMBER THAT HE, TOO, IS A HUMAN BEING.
