Everybody has had regrets in life at some point. Life is complex and filled with decisions we’ve made and paths we’ve chosen not to take. Although some people may say they have no regrets, the majority do — in one way or another. How many times have you uttered the four little words, “if only?” or “what if?” — the most dangerous thoughts of life.
When something goes differently than you had hoped or expected, it’s easy to seek refuge in “if onlys” and “what ifs,” wherein you fabricate the perfect, exact scenario that would somehow make your life different or better. “If only” and “What if” both have us looking for answers outside ourselves, forever trying to change circumstances that are no longer in our control.
We have all experienced moments, relationships, and decisions that we wish we could change. It’s easy to get caught up in the world of “what ifs” and “if onlys,” allowing our past to cast a shadow over our present. Personally, I have spent plenty of time thinking about the choices I still regret — whether it’s words said without thought, losing my temper with my parents, being less compassionate and more judgmental in some of my decisions, regretting not being more respectful to my family and their needs, not being available whenever and wherever required for my near and dear ones — and so on.
It sort of feels like a tug-of-war: lamenting over things we wish we had done differently in the past, and dreading unforeseen, unexpected bad things that may or may not happen in the future. Both prevent us from living in the present moment, depriving us of our full attention and awareness on the here and now. Nothing that follows these thoughts comes true. In fact, these thoughts are only about the past, the future, or just pure imagination.
The amount of time and energy we waste wishing things were different makes us more impatient and anxious. But the truth is — if it had to happen, it would have. If it is to happen, it will. Either way, it is beyond our control. Our “if onlys” and “what ifs” will only haunt us, keep us prisoners, possibly make us sick, and rob us from living our full potential and experiencing joy. Imagining how something could have been different won’t make it so. It won’t change the past or even make you feel better.
But can we really be happy and content when we’re so busy second-guessing ourselves and attending to the internal monologues running around in our heads? We have constant self-doubt and continuously anticipate future outcomes in a negative way. Imagine living in the situation you’re in without regret — satisfied that you did your best.
We all have regrets. We can’t change the past, but we can move forward. We need not be locked in the “if onlys” and “what ifs.” One can’t rewrite the history of their own actions, but one can change how they react to it once they accept that some things are simply out of their control. But the one thing we have absolute control over is our reaction to these events.
Instead of brooding in the “if onlys” and “what ifs,” it would be better to let go, move forward, acknowledge the existence of hardships in our lives — whatever form they might take — and make the choice to let them strengthen us rather than defeat us. The truth is that we, as individuals, hold ourselves back more than anyone else ever can. We will never find a sense of peace until we make the choice to let go of regret and embrace that what has already happened cannot be undone.
Regret is the only heavy burden we carry — weighing us down when we’re drowned in the “what ifs” and “if onlys” of life. It’s the voice that whispers “you should have” and “you could have.” It is a complete waste of time and energy because the truth is, we cannot go back and make alterations, nor can we see or control what happens beyond the moment in front of us. It holds the power of rendering us incapable of experiencing joy in the beautiful paths and parts of our own reality and robs us of being able to live the peaceful life we all crave.
Why not focus our energy on learning the lessons our regrets have taught us and start courageously applying that knowledge to present and future behavior? Why don’t we stop obsessing over what we can’t do and redirect that energy to what we still can? Acknowledging that the past is unchangeable frees us from the endless cycles of “what ifs” and “if onlys.”
It may take time to get past the “if onlys” and “what ifs” and accept what has happened in your life. Of course, we can’t turn back time. If only life had a rewind button, we all would have gone back and fixed all our wrong decisions and choices. But maybe, every decision — right or wrong — was part of the journey we were meant to take.
Sometimes, we hold on because we’re waiting for an explanation, an apology, or a moment of clarity. But closure is not something the world owes us — it is something we need to create for ourselves. Instead of waiting for someone else to give us peace, decide that you are enough to give it to yourself. Forgive — not because they deserve it, but because you do. Your heart may not agree, but eventually, you will reach the stage of acceptance: “This is what happened, and I can’t change it.”
Someone has rightly said: “Sometimes you have to get out of the way of yourself so you can be yourself.” One needs to grow. Growth demands you leave behind what no longer serves you. No one grows by staying where they are. The “if onlys” and “what ifs” suppress our growth, discourage us from evolving, increase our self-doubt, and hinder our potential to encounter the best in life.
Acknowledge and embrace the uncertainties of life. Trust the process even when life is chaotic, muddled, messy, or slow — but don’t let it control your decisions.
We may never get rid of all the “if onlys” and “what ifs,” but when they come, we can rest assured that we do not meet them alone. God is with us. We can choose to face uncertainty with faith and begin to walk in greater levels of confidence, contentment, joy, peace, security, and calmness.
So, the next time you find yourself caught in the web of “if onlys” and “what ifs,” take a deep breath, choose a path, and trust that every step forward is a step toward growth and possibility. After all, the beauty of this life often lies in the unplanned, the uncharted, and the unknown. Make your life worthwhile.
The “if onlys” and “what ifs” may or may not occur — but don’t let them guard you all the time. The decision is yours to make. Cut off the “if onlys” and “what ifs” in life and replace them with “If nots” and “Why nots!”
